CONVERSATION 02For when you’re getting through life, but somewhere along the way you’ve lost touch with you.
You go to work, answer the messages, look after everyone and laugh at dinner. Yet underneath it all is a quiet feeling: I don’t really feel like me anymore.
Perhaps something changed. A relationship, motherhood, loss, a move. Or life simply became busy, and the things that felt like yours gradually slipped out of it.
Pull up a chair. You don’t need to arrive knowing what’s missing.
When did you last feel like you?
Think of a moment when you felt particularly yourself. It needn’t be a whole chapter of your life. Perhaps it was one evening with a friend, making something or being somewhere you loved.
What was present then? Playfulness, creativity, company, freedom? Try to notice the feeling without deciding that everything about that time was better.
What did that moment give you that you’ve had less of lately?
The past can offer clues without becoming somewhere you have to return to.
What quietly disappeared?
As responsibilities grow, the apparently unnecessary things are often the first to go. Music while you get dressed. Reading for pleasure. Seeing the friend who makes you laugh in a way that is frankly quite unattractive.
They may not have looked essential on the calendar. You might still miss what they brought to your days.
Being a mother, partner or professional can be a meaningful part of who you are. There can also be parts of you that rarely get a turn.
What have you stopped making time for that you actually miss?
Choose something you enjoyed, rather than another activity you think you ought to take up.
What do you like now?
Perhaps the old favourites no longer fit. You’re allowed to discover that you’ve changed.
What interests you these days? Who do you enjoy being around? What would you happily stop doing if nobody expected you to keep enjoying it?
You don’t owe an old hobby, ambition or social arrangement lifelong loyalty. Even if you bought all the equipment.
Is there something new you’d like to make room for?
You may be reconnecting with familiar parts of yourself while getting to know others. Both deserve a little curiosity.
Give yourself a little room.
Choose one thing this week because it interests or pleases you. Call a friend, put on the music, make something or spend half an hour somewhere you’ve wanted to visit.
Keep it manageable within the life you have. Afterwards, notice how it felt. Would you like more of it? Something different? There’s no requirement for one afternoon to produce a revelation.
If nothing comes to mind, begin by noticing small preferences. What would you like to listen to, eat or do with a free moment? Let your answer count where it can.
You don’t need a complete definition of who you are before making space for yourself.
The chair will still be here when you come back.
One thing to take with you
I can make room for who I am now, even while I’m still getting to know her.